what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
