Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
