we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it glows. i had to have it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
