The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
