where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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