I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We were destined to go to rehab together
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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