Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
