why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
