So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
