Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
