We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
