I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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