I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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