i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
