Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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