is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
