Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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