How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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