I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
