Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
