So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
