hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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