My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
