I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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