I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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