you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
