it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
