So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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