I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
