yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How does one acquire holy water?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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