i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
