Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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