omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
