Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
