dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
