i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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