So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
