I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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