Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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