I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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