You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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