idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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