I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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