Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
