I puked a lego.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
