im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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