im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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