dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
