Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
