I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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