break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
