the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
