I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
