Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
