Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
