So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
