This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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