I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
