fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
