I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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