Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
